Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
