You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
