I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
