Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
