I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize