My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
