no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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