I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
