I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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