I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
