So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize