Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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