Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize