So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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