I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize