they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
