Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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