So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
