I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
