Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize