He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
