i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
