Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
