You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
