he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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