Define "chronic" masturbator.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
