When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
