Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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