haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize