we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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