god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
