how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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