i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
