dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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