she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
