he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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