Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
