Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
