Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
