I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
