Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
