Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize