I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
