your room smells of hookers.
And success
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
