Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
