Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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