Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
