Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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