I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
