I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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