it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize