I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
