when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I faked an abortion last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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