There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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