I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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