Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
