Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
