Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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