thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
