don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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