You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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