I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
