i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
