can we get nightvision for the apartment?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
