She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
