i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
